Toxic Relationships: Expectations V Reality

I think I can safely say we have all experienced some sort of toxicity in a relationship , whether it be with a family member, ex-boyfriend, friends or a work colleague.

While many are born into a loving, caring, supporting family, from my many years in the clinic, this is far from the truth for many clients. This can be extremely painful when we have experienced first hand the exile, trauma or abandonment from our family members.

Our childhoods and relationships with our family hold the deepest pain and suffering, feelings of abandonment not being lovable, good enough, our misaligned identity of ourselves or feeling like a misfit are embodied and unconsciously expressed throughout other areas of our lives going forward.

If you are carrying pain from your family, then it is really important foremost you work on releasing your trauma, work through forgiveness and release any out dated beliefs and behaviours so you don’t attract the wrong people and relationships into your life going forward.

Conflicts in relationships arise when there is an imbalance between your expectations and the actually reality that is occurring. To experience balanced relationships, we need to stop putting expectations on how we believe the relationship and person should be. This means accepting the person and the relationship for what it is, not what we think it should be.

Often we are so caught up in our own ‘expectation’ that we don’t take the time to see through the lens of the other person. Sad but true, the pivotal turning point ‘people can only give you what they can give you,’ they are also projecting onto you their view points, behaviours, beliefs from their own up bringing, traumas and life situations. Yes a hard reality to face, however this is an imperative factor in healing the cycle of toxic relationships.

Have The Courage to Look

We often unconsciously shape and reflect what we believe to be true in our view of people and the relationship. We filter out anything that suggests otherwise. Often you have spent years trying to hide and run away from the reality, evidence and truth of the situation.

Deconstruct the person or relationship dynamics you have an issue with, what is at the core level?

Think about what is your agenda? What do you really want from this relationship?
Be willing to drop the expectations and projections, don’t make it about you, drop the drama
Drop the need for validation and acceptance you are yearning for, make peace with this
Honouring Yourself

It is time to deconstruct any negative behaviours and beliefs through self enquiry. You may want to sit and reflect on the below or journal what comes up.

What relationships have I been tolerating?
With whom have I been wearing masks and avoiding my true self to be seen?
How is this a mirror about how I feel about myself ?
What am I avoiding seeing?
What am I refusing to see about this situation now?
Whats the truth and whats the distortion around this relationship?”
You can learn more and clear past toxic relationships to create harmony in your relationships in our up coming courses. Sign up on our home page to receive first discounted access for VIPs only.